A Fresh Start

"Is that all there is? Is that all there is?  If that's all there is, then let's keep dancing.  Let's break out the booze and have a ball, if that's all there is."

The song, "Is That All There Is?" sung by Peggy Lee is the ultimate example of someone who is disillusioned and finds no freshness or joy in life. She talks about going through life finding disappointment in every high, the fly in the ointment of every good thing that happens to her.  I'm not sure what motivated the song writer, except at the time it was written and released in the 60's, the glow of Kennedy's Camelot was tarnished and there was a general pessimism in the air.  Not unlike today.

It is easy to sometimes feel like everything is "same old, same old."  Even when we begin a new year, a birthday comes around, or something happens to change everything in our outer world, too often we return with the same attitudes and beliefs that make everything a tired repeat of that with which we are all too familiar. 

So how do we find excitement and freshness in a life or business that may have lost it's spark for you?  You are not going to be surprised when I tell you that you aren't going to find it in the job, the raise, the new client, (new love?) the "success," a new city, or any external circumstance. 

Genuine fresh starts begin within ourselves.  I was talking to a friend who was nearing 40 and feeling very old.  He felt that he didn't want to get excited about anything or try anything new because he'd been disappointed so many times and didn't want to go through the agony of being disappointed again.  I am not his coach, and he didn't ask my opinion, so all I said was that I had failed so many times, that if that worried me, I probably wouldn't do anything. 

A fresh start means begins with letting go of the fear of failure.  For me, "failure" is just evidence that I need to correct something.  Pilots are constantly correcting their course because of magnetic variations that can affect a compass and as you are passing across the various meridians, depending where you cross, there can be other factors that require adjustments.  To set one course and then not pay attention, will not get you where you want to go. 

This sort of correction is just part of what is required to achieve what you want to accomplish.

A simple change in attitude about failure can give any endeavor a spark of adventure and freshness.  I think the writer of the song was covering a fear of failure with a blase attitude that would help them to be above all the trials and as a result, joys of living life and trying new things. 

I would like to live life and run my business taking chances and seeing what happens.  There are no guarantees except the reality that if you don't get on the ride and see what it's like you will never have the chance to succeed.  Take a chance, try something new and when you feel afraid, stand in the middle of the fear and you will probably find that what you feared has a cost far less than you supposed.

Management Styles: Old and New

I was looking at a review of a new book on management by Charles Jacob called Management Rewired. While I haven't read the book yet, the reviews are intriguing. The premise is that the old styles don't work as well as we would like. Typical things a manager does like have performance reviews are often counter productive. According to Jacob, they can be worse than doing nothing.

In wanting to learn more, I did some research and came up with different styles that I have had used on me. The irony of this search is that my search brought up over 16 million results. Needless to say, there are many opinions on the topic.

First is the autocratic also known as the authoritarian style. This is well known to most of us. The boss or manager sets performance goals and we either meet them or we don't. Reward is based on reaching or exceeding those goals. I was first introduced to this style in my family. My father was in the military and he was used to "going by the book" and you measured up or you had the family version of KP. This works in the military where you often need unquestioning obedience to achieve objectives, but in the business world, it is often counter productive causing workers to feel oppressed and not trusted.

Another style is the paternalistic style. Jacob used as an example of this style, Ken Olsen CEO and founder of the Digital Equipment Corporation. This style is characterized by a "Father knows best" flavor that can be a bit more warm and fuzzy than th autocratic model. The advantages are that the manager still has control, but there is a caring element missing in the previous model. Ken Olsen originally began touting a participative model, where the assumption was that you know best what needs to happen in your area of expertise, so set your own goals and make it happen.

Participative management has the assumption that you don't need to be micromanaged. Unfortunately, some managers just can't stop themselves. This happened in my last school district where I taught. They said that were introducing this model and we needed to come up with the areas we saw needing improvement and develop plans for this to happen.

What happened next, was that upper management came up with a plan of their own that we were to implement as well before we implemented what we saw as important. This had the result of the workers losing complete confidence in management and the trust and creativity the participative style was supposed to engender, was destroyed.

The cautionary tale here would be, to prepare management to fully embrace whatever style they decide upon and then test and modify the strategy to each situation. There is no one style fits all and to keep your company on top, you need to pay attention and grow with what is needed in a given situation.

The Miracle of Bamboo

Principle-centered leaders understand the metaphor of the bamboo tree. They know what it means to pay the price to prepare the ground, to plant the seed, and to fertilize and cultivate and water and weed, even when they can’t see immediate results, because they have faith that ultimately they will reap the fruits in the harvest.

-Stephen Covey First Things First

Many of us these days have been doing a lot of what Covey talks about in this quote. I have been doing this in my business and in my personal life. As I am coming up onto a huge life change, I am paying especially close attention to my roots, my true self as it were. For my business, I am making sure that everything I do is in line with who I am as a person and that there is no falseness or pretense. I look over the materials in my different programs and I ask, " Is this what I really believe? Is this the best way to do this?"

My personal life is including counseling, prayer, meditation, journaling and inspirational readings. This is how I am preparing myself for what is to come.

They say that bamboo has to stay underground developing its root system for 4 years and then it takes off with amazing growth because it has established a system to support itself. I am learning to be patient. I am willing to wait because the waiting involves nourishing, positive routines that in themselves are rewards. I know that whatever comes of this time of "farming" it will be a crop worthy of the effort.

How Do I Treat Myself?

"Treat people as if they were
what they ought to be
and you help them to become
what they are capable of being."

Goethe

I love this quote from Goethe, especially when I turn it around to how I am treating myself. I haven't always treated myself as best I could. I haven't always thought as well of myself as I could. It is cliche to say that we should treat others the way we would like to be treated, but what about treating ourselves the way we want to be treated?

A really big one is trusting myself. I had the opportunity to have this tested recently. I was in a deal that seemed great at first, but on further investigation, turned out to have some fatal flaws. I could have meant financial disaster down the road (worst case scenario) and an damned inconvenience (best case scenario.)

The problem was that I didn't want to disappoint others. They had worked hard and I didn't want to leave them with a failed deal. So who do I advocate for? I was finding that in my pondering, I was not putting myself, and my future first, but rather what they thought about me. What a mistake that would have been if I continued down that path.

As I continued to gain evidence for the rightness of my decision, I realized also that I was exercising an important muscle. The muscle that advocates for me. I am a giving person, and sometimes erroneously put others before myself when it isn't called for or wanted.

I have learned to treat myself the way I treat others: with respect and deep concern.

Taking Responsibility for Yourself

A scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
Anon-

Recently, I have had a run of bad luck. There have been problems in getting financing for a new house, a case of severe gender bias in applying for a credit card, then the near disaster of buying a home in a FEMA designated 100 year flood plain. In all these instances, someone else was involved that I could have blamed for the situation. Yes, there was some lack of concern, prejudice, and oversight on the part of others, but in the long run, the situation was, is and always had been mine to handle.

I would have liked to blame those others involved and I admit, there was a little of that going on, but I realized that remaining in a victim position for very long is not empowering. I can rail against fate, and make others take their part of the situation and that is very satisfying for awhile. I could spend a lot of time and get a lot of sympathy scapegoating the people who were principals in the troublesome scenarios.

However, I would rather learn from this run of bad luck. In each case there was a slightly different lesson for me. Most of it comes down to being my own best advocate. No one cares as much for me (nor can they be expected to) than I do. I love being part of a team and trusting my teammates, but I have to carry the ball and pay attention when it is my move. Putting others' concerns ahead of our own is an admirable trait. (See my previous post.) Yet, I must be alert to when the decision is really mine and advocate strongly for my own interests.

In the case with the credit card, it took hours on the phone to right the wrong that was going down. At one point, the person on the other end of the phone said, I was getting upset and that is why he was not giving me the considerations he would have given me otherwise. It was clear that he didn't like me. If I don't get upset about being treated unfairly, who will? Who else has the time, they have their own issues to get upset about and advocate.

So just as I refuse to scapegoat anyone else, I refuse to be a scapegoat either. It seems only fair.

(By the way, I got the credit card at the credit limit I asked for.)

Helping

If you succeed in helping others win; You win.

William Hornsby

Recently, I have been the recipient of a lot of help. I am buying a new house and the help I have received from finance people, my realtor, and friends has been amazing. I have always been the one to help others and have had, in the past, a hard time accepting favors and help doing things that I feel I should be able to do my self. This time, I have allowed these friends who are professionals help me, not just in the area of their expertise, but with the emotional support needed when one is making such a big financial commitment.

Being able to give and receive keeps the flow of life going. When we are stopped in either direction, there is a problem. I came from a family who's motto was charity begins at home. This kept them financially solvent, but I think they missed out on something by looking at life in this way.

Right now, I am grateful for being able to have a balance of give and take in my life. Right now, I am the taker. That's fine; my time to give will come again, and I will do it with pleasure.

Why Wait to Feel Great?

"You know that feeling of accomplishment, triumph, and sublime joy that immediately follows a job well done, a victory, or a fresh, hot pizza delivery to your door? I say feel it now. Go on. Give it to yourself without all the rules."

This advice came to me this morning in my daily Totally Unique Thoughts from Mike Dooley. I have been especially off balance and self critical lately...for a lot of reasons... I'm not a terribly perfect person. I have many flaws that I feel everyone can see and criticize.

But when I saw the quote, I thought that he's right, do I have to wait to be perfect before I have the right to feel joyful and victorious. At my age, just the fact that I am alive, mobile, healthy and have a job I love is enough to rejoice.

So I rejoice. I will let go of the magnifying glass I use on all my shortcomings and just BE for a little while. I am happy to be here writing, creating, helping others and being alive.

Yahoo!